Monday, February 9, 2009

It is a Good Day to Diet

"I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic chapter of my grandmother's journal."
- Dr. Beverly Crusher
CMO, USS Enterprise

Like most normal people I have an assortment of Star Trek themed candy bars on display on a shelf in my house. When "Star Trek: First Contact" was released in 1996 I was completely oblivious to these promotional chocolate bars.
But I recently tripped over them on eBay. I bid. I won. I paid. And I received. Up on the shelf they went and as they sat there classing up the place, life just seemed to make a little more sense.

But as they say, "All good things..."

My house recently made first contact with a few mice who decided to do a full on Cardassian vole-style rampage on my collectible edibles. The first casualty? Dr. Beverly Crusher.
Always getting the short end of the deal when it came to TV or movie screen time, Dr Crusher once again takes a hit as her chocolate bar was selected for rodent nourishment. Resistance was apparently futile.

The mice weren't even receptive to taking bribes as my chocolate Gold Pressed Latinum bar was also acquired. Damage Report:
Ok, so maybe it's not exactly the Khitomer Massacre, but it's a sad day in the history of Star Trek promotional candy. To better understand how bad things can happen to good candy, I set up a reenactment with tribbles in place of the mice. On the left, portraying mouse #1 is Gary and on the right, portraying mouse #2 is Roberta. This is how I imagine it went down:
Brutal and unyielding, the tribble-mice mercilessly chomped away like they were in a storage compartment full of quadrotriticale. A good portion of my patience was also nibbled away and as far as the mice go, I am now taking my phasers off stun.

From a "the glass of Romulan Ale is half full" perspective, this incident does allow me to knowingly and willfully open an item and (gasp) remove it from its packaging.
The Latinum bar hasn't aged well and interestingly the Crusher bar has an imprint of a ship that reads "Vulcan Lander," thereby spoiling the end of the movie. Thanks a lot Dr. Crusher. No wonder people don't like you.

2 comments:

MorganScorpion said...

Should have eaten them when you had the chance.

SmartK8 said...

You should have rather done a full baryon sweep. That would have shown to those evil critters. :D